Talking To Your Teen About School Shootings

News headlines and stories on social media can be frightening for teens at the best of times. Lately, it seems like there is a spotlight on the ever-increasing teen violence, school shootings, and instability that could make anyone feel uneasy. How do you handle speaking with your teen about the near-constant uptick in violence?

It could be that your teen has been afraid of going to school and has doubts that they will be protected when attending school. With so much fear and anxiety surrounding the topic of safety at school, how can a parent approach the issue and reassure teens?

Opening up the conversation

As parents, we often feel compelled to protect our children from complex topics and as much fear and pain as possible. In truth, our children tend to find that talking about the things feeding their anxiety can help ease some of that anxiety and fear. This holds for young children, tweens, and teens.

If your teen comes to you and starts a conversation about his feelings, be sure to listen to what he is saying. Tell him you are hearing his concerns and understand how he feels. If he is hesitant to start a conversation but does admit to feeling fear and anxiety about his safety at school, this is your opportunity to speak with him about how he feels and what it may mean for his future at school.

Teens appreciate parents who are open and honest with them.

Understanding how your teen feels

It’s important to point out that the things your teen will think and the questions that he will ask could differ from what you’d see from adults. Your teen may ask a few questions as he processes how he feels.

• Was there anything that could have been done to prevent a school shooting?
• Why did this violent attack take place?
• Was the person behind the attack bullied? Why did they do this?
• Are there risks of a shooting taking place at his school?

Of course, you may not have the answers to his questions right now. After a school shooting, we are left reeling and asking questions that aren’t going to be answered.

Your teen’s questions will indicate how he feels about school shootings. He may doubt that school administrators and law enforcement can protect him at school. This type of tragedy can leave anyone feeling helpless and powerless.

His feelings are valid, and his anxiety is valid. Do your utmost to provide him with the reassurance that he needs. If he doubts that he will be safe at school, ask him what makes him feel this way. Ask your teen what would reassure him that he is safe at school. The more you understand how he is feeling and thinking, the better you’ll be able to help him feel safe and secure.

Is your teen a survivor of a school shooting?

The relief that you feel knowing your teen is safe after a school shooting is unmeasurable. What’s important to understand that your teen will not necessarily feel that same level of relief. He may be feeling grief, guilt, depression, and overwhelming anxiety. He will almost certainly be struggling with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). How can you reassure a teen who has seen and felt terror and loss?

• Ensure he is getting the correct type of therapeutic help to meet his individual needs
• Provide a stable and safe home life, as much as you can
• Consider alternative school options for him
• Be as engaged and as involved with him as he needs and as he will allow
• Reassure your teen that you will do your utmost to listen, hear, understand, and love and support without condition

Speaking to your teen about school shootings is not something that’s going to be easy or without emotions running high. Be honest and open with your teen. Let him know your thoughts and your feelings about violent attacks that are happening in schools.

If you have your anxiety about your teen’s safety at school, communicate it to him in a way that doesn’t accelerate his anxiety. Offer suggestions, ideas, solutions, and help. You can’t prevent a school shooting. But you can help your teen be as mentally and physically prepared for any emergency situation he may encounter at school.

Could a therapeutic boarding school be the right choice for your teen? Liahona Academy offers a supportive and structured environment that will allow your teen to work through the anxiety, depression, and stress he is struggling with. He will be able to continue to focus on his education in an atmosphere that will support his mental wellness and meet his emotional well-being needs.